I know, rationally, logically, you're right. And I still feel like...like if he's hurt too bad, it hurts me too, and it hurts more because I CAN"T help at all. And at the same time I honestly resent him for doing this to me, and I don't trust that he can do better anymore, I just don't, he broke every promise he ever made to me and to anyone. And the worst part is, I understand how he got to this point. I can't pretend I know I would do different if I was in his place.
Sometimes, when I manage to forget for a second, I feel so good, like everything is finally back at it's place, like everything's brighter and I can breathe again without worrying about him. And then I felt guilty for feeling like that. I hope it passes with time. If I want to continue living I have to let go.
Does this "busy time" works for you? What are you moving on from? Sometimes when I have to write something for a class or myself(I am hoping one day to be a writer), I find myself the more I try to do my work, the more I think about him. May be I'll write something- a story or a poem- about him, may be it will help.
This 15min thing, it doesn't work for me, cause I start crying and listen to sad songs and then I can't stop. There is one thing so far that works incredibly-yoga. I didn't do before because I thought(of course) that nothing works like it used to anymore since I'm not the same. But the other day I made myself do yoga again, and it felt perfect, like I never stopped. And for THOSE 15 min everything was normal again. Yoga is incredible.
As for keeping busy I am(sadly) distracting myself with TV until I resent myself for wasting my time. Now, I am making some effort though.
I guess I didn't want to admit it, but I have to say goodbye and move on, because moping around doesn't help me OR him, it just hurts.
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