[[LittleMonster]]

Sorry for yet another post but I'm feeling so hopeless about it..

So I had been b/p'ing every day for months but now it seems as though I've gone back to restriction, it's all or nothing.. I haven't eaten in xxhours and don't plan to until I physically have to, yet my body is screaming for food already, I'm weak, tired & my head is pounding, even when I gave it some food yesterday it was only because my parents were there and even then I chose the lowest cal thing I could find..

I am making myself go for exercise later too & have scales ordered as I can't cope with my weight anymore..
It was this time last year that I lost tonnes of weight & was threatened with inpatient but I'm at university now & it's so hard, i'm lying to my parents..

I have just started seeing the counsellor here & today is my first "proper" session, but I honestly don't think she can help, all she'll want to do is "talking therapy" and that never works for me, particularly when I'm so set on losing weight. I don't even feel like I have anything to recover from right now as I feel so gross!!

I was home the weekend & eating there made me feel disgusting, I told mum I wanted to be back at home, now she's worrying about me but I weighed out the options and going home would be worse. I'd be lonely, all my friends are at uni, my parents at work and out from 8-7, I'd have to go back to where I used to work which made me depressed & etc..
The only thing good about back at home is the EDservices, but then everyone's so proud..
No dropping out is definitely not an option..

What do I do??
Sorry for the ramble!
Just feel so disgusting & fat.