Thanks a lot for your post.
You're right-it's when I feel better that I start to recognise the patterns again. But when I feel better, I always pretend that this time will be different, that it will never happen again, or I will have learned to prevent it. And maybe because a lot of my problems started quite young, I always associate them with being somehow immature, as if I could just grow away from them- hence moving around, changing jobs, life plans, relationships, treatments... all just attempting to get away. For the same reason- because I started treatments young- I always struggle not to see them as something I need to fight against, and I know that's not very healthy.
You're very right about taking responsibility- it's what I'm trying to do now and it's maybe only now that I have a bit of distance from the last episode that I can really think up a course of action. I'm maybe a little scared people won't understand why I am asking for meds etc when I seem OK. Does that make sense?
|