[Butterfly1995]

I can't believe this. This is so freaking scary.
She said she read my diary. I didn't believe it, and just laughed and said " So what did you find there?" and she said " You cut yourself". I was so shocked I couldn't say anything. So turns out, she didn't actually read it. Just tested me. And, stupid me, I fell into that trap. I told her I'm ok now and I haven't SH'd in 2 months. Which was a lie, because it's only 19 days (longest I've ever gone.. But I'm coping pretty well so I think I can make it way longer :) ). Mom said she's not gonna tell anyone and not gonna remind me of this anymore. And she said she won't think about it, I know that's not possible, but all I want is.. that she wouldn't try to tiptoe around me and that she wouldn't think I'll cut myself every time I get angry and go to my room. I just don't want things to change. Self harm was MY thing. One of my friends knows, but I don't see her so often. Mom sees me every day. That's what's terrifying. She believed I'm over it, but I know she will look for something that would prove that I still SH. Which means, that if I accidentally hurt myself she will think that I did it on purpose. She did it BEFORE she found out that I really do SI. It will probably get even worse now.. Or better. Maybe now she got her answer and she's gonna forget about it? Who am I kidding. Of course she wont forget.
Sorry, I know this post is really weird. I'm shocked, so that explains this.
I feel so weird about this. Some part of me is saying "who cares? so she knows. big deal. she'll get over it." and other part's like "OMG this is horrible. Panic!" and another one " She found out! It's good. For reason unknown."...