Thanks for the reply, it's greatly appreciated :)... I understand that her, and her family can't be the burden of my problem, that's one of the reasons i'm here.
I have no family of my own, especially the type of family I could confide in, I made the concious decision a while back to rid my life of them, the type of people they are, they have done me no favours in life, fortunately I have been very lucky to have met my ex, ex girlfriend who's family from the age of 15 took me under their wing and changed my life, her dad getting me an apprenticeship as a joiner at a good company and her mum teaching me that to get from life you have to strive... I was headng nowhere before I met those people. I was with her for 2 years and like i said it transformed my life, i split with her and moved on, meeting my current ex who again was always there and still is.
I never felt i needed weed, i just started smoking with my next door neighbour because i was a sheep to be honest and i wish i never did. There have been many problems in my life which i have overcome due to the help of those special people who in theory should never have been the people to help, but did off their own backs.
I feel now that i have betrayed and took for granted all the support and love my ex girlfriend gave to me aswel as her family who also treat, and still treat me no different from their own son and daughters. I greatly respect these people.
I understand i became lazy, selfish, bad tempered and arrogant as a result of my (former) addiction, and i suppose i'm crying out for help since i've been hit by this uncontrolable feeling of remorse, i feel i don't deserve these people who love me, and that i've always had the right guidance off the wrong people, as it should have been my own family that cared.
I feel so strongly about never smoking again that i know i will never start, i have actually begun to hate the drug. I feel i need to repay these people for my own concience and show them how much i appreciate what they have done with me, not so much my first girlfriends parents, they knew because back then i did show it, and still 7 years later at 22 have contact with them.
I know my current ex still loves me, she completely blocked me out of her life for about a month, but around 4 weeks ago she wanted to speak to me out of the blue, so she came here, we had a talk, she cried to me and let me know she wasnt ready to move on, i cuddled her, made her feel better and now we are getting on better than ever, at this point i was still smoking up untill i went to hers a couple of nights after that initial meeting where she let me back into her life and she told me that our relationship deteriorated when i started smoking weed. I stopped immediately and since then cannot stop thinking about what she said.
I'm constantly looking for answers, we have a long cuddle everytime i see her but no kissing, unless i see her out and she's drunk, it's then that she will randomly kiss me on the cheeks, neck and sometimes lips so i know she still has feelings but is also a very strong willed woman. I know she doesnt trust i wont go back to weed and i need to show her that i wont, and regardless of wether i get a second chance with her i feel i need to show her that i'm sorry for not showing her enough how much i actually do love and care for her.
I never felt like this untill i stopped and started to reflect, and now i feel i'm in a very difficult situation with no real answers as to where it's going to go
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