I went to a and e because a kind person on ryl told me that I ought to, that I had to and I trust what she says to me......so I went and now im glad that I did.
Im drinking. Im back to that again...slip the odd one in whilst hubby pops out, wash the glass before he sees...I have mints for my breath. All very sneaky and underhand and yes i am ashamed. But i need something toi help blot the crap out, makes life bareable
things are bad..although ive been told bad things will happen to my arm and me, it doesnt sink it. I feel ''its not going to happen to me'', ''ive gone so long with these threats and nothing has happened, they must be wrong''. They wont section me because of it, theyve tried before..but because i am of sound mind and i know what im doing, im not sectionalbe which is a good thing. Im just left to my own devices and thats fine
Matthew, Simon was lovely because he didnt make me feel a freak..he listened and understood and didnt judge. He took care and time over my wound...i dont have anyone who i can talk to who will understand and not judge me..i dont have anyone i can tell how things really are for me...The fact that i rarely wash. I only have a bath when im cutting. I dont change my clothes for days/weeks on end. I rarely brush my teeth or change my underwear. I stay in bed til 3pm so i dont have much of the day left to live..i wash my hair when im told it looks greasy..life isnt a bed of roses and i have noone to share that with. I cant tell my doctor...im too ashamed to, I dont tell anyone, but I told simon and he listened
I know i have a family around me. A family i try to protect from all this crap. Im in it, I make it, its my crap to deal with. My hubby is so depressed he finds it easier not to deal with. He is my taxi driver when i need to go to the doctors and a and e..he doesnt question it..its something he does. He feels he is helping in some way and he is...but i dont have his support and i dont feel i can tell him things.
Im on my own in this
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