Hey,
It sounds as if you've got yourself stuck in a very nasty hole, which is bound to be difficult to pull yourself out of.
Sometimes things can seem unexplanable, and you can feel as if they shouldn't be happening, and as if there is no reason for them to be happening. However, this can get you in to an even worse situation, because of just trying to accept it and suchlike, you get so hung up over the reasoning, that it makes things even worse, and harder to pull yourself out of. You may not have found a reason, and you may never do so, but it doesn't mean that you don't have a right to feel like this, because you do.
It can become so down to habit sometimes, especially if you've been struggling with destructive behaviours for a while, and it almost becomes like a comfort zone. Okay, so you may want to drag yourself out of it and feel better, but perhaps part of you if more comftable the way you are. You know how things are, you know what to expect, you know what to do if you feel bad. It sounds to me as if you haven't felt properly good in so long now, that it becomes hard to imagine, hard to comprehend, and even perhaps a little scary. It's more unknown, and it's less predictable in a sense.
Have you thought about starting therapy again? Talking to someone about exactly how you're feeling, and perhaps some more targeted and specialised therapy?
You're only 24, and you've got your whole life ahead of you. Things may seem daunting now, but things can change, and most probably will do so. You've come a long way already, from some of the things you were describing you've been through, so you can come through more. It may take a while, but unfortunately things like this do, as you fully know.
Anyhow, I'm running out of things to say!
I'm sorry if some of this seems a tad assuming, but I hope it helps in someway, shape, or form.
Look after yourself, and I hope things do get better,
Rach xx
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