I understand compleatly, as a few years ago i was in a similar situation. As others have said an ed is more than the physical behaviours, it's in your mind. Bottling things up and 'pretending' will only make things worse, things must be totally horrible for you. Maybe try and be honest with those arround you. Do you recieve any support hun?
As for occupational health, be honest with them. They are not there to bar you from the course, they are there to see what help needs to be put in place for you. They nevere really bar people, at most they tend to ask people to defer a year or two. As they dont want peoples health getting worse due to the strain of whatever course they are on. Lying,or pretending to them is counter productive as you wont recieve the help you might need and if its found out later on you were not 100% honest they do then have the right to remove you from the course.
You will not be stopped from entering the course for recieving suppport. There are many people on different university course's, including healthcare ones, recieving support from mental health services.
I really really hope things get better for you and that hopefully soon you can learn to love yourself. Life is worht fighting for, things CAN get better
xxx
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