*hugs*
Julie, this is what I'm thinking but please tell me if I've interpreted something wrongly:
It seems to me that you are a really emotional person and because your feelings are so strong you lurch from one method of coping with them to another and many of these ways are unhealthy. You need to break out of that cycle. Maybe take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that it's okay to feel negative feelings sometimes and if you accept that they are a natural part of you they might not seem so scary and you won't have to use anu of these "quick fix" approaches to get rid of them because they are unhealthy for you and in reality the feelings won't go away unless you take a long-term approach with them. In fact they're beneficial because if you take your time and learn from them then you can find a deeper happiness within yourself.
You say you fell in with a partying crowd. Could you make a conscious effort to distance yourself from any situation which might tempt you to drink/take drugs etc? iot would take a commitment but it would be worth it in the long run.
Also I would say that it can be frustrating when you can't seem to find any logical reason for how you're feeling but trust me there will always be one you might just need help to unravel it. That's why I do think counselling is a good idea in your situation. Why can't you get it past your mother? Is it possible to talk to her again about it? Is there a counsellor at your school you could see without her knowledge maybe?
Finally you said you made a great life for yourself here-that took a lot of strength and courage, you can use that same strength and courage to break this cycle, just take it one step at a time.
Kiran
xx
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