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Ronnie blinked at Jack, wondering if she was still dreaming. She tried to speak to him, to see if he was real, but there was something blocking her throat. Instead she simply stared, confused and terrified after her dream. It had been so vivid and detailed, Ronnie hadn't thought she was ever going to have to live through that again. Jack reached out a hand and touched her face, proving he was real. The sudden contact startled Ronnie, especially after her dream and she flinched. Jack drew back his hand as if her skin was poisoned. "I'm sorry," he whispered. This only confused Ronnie further, what was he apologising for?
"I'll be right back, Ron," Jack promised before rushing from the room. Ronnie watched him go, she tried to keep her eyes open, but she was so very tired and her eyelids were slowly closing against her will.
When Ronnie next woke up, she felt stronger, as if she belonged in the real world rather than floating between that and the nightmare darkness that she had been living in for some time. Ronnie didn't know how long. There, she had lost all sense of time. She blinked, trying to grow accustomed to the sudden brightness. As her eyes became more focused, Ronnie realised Jack was sitting in a chair beside her, watching her cautiously.
"Don't you ever leave?" Ronnie whispered, weakly. Whatever was blocking her throat before was gone. She tried to smile at Jack, to show she was joking, but the mouth didn't seem to want to. The effort of that simple gesture, as if she was actually happy, was too much. Jack smiled at her, but sadly, as if he could tell that she seemed to have lost her own ability.
"I'm never going to leave you again," he vowed.
Jack leaned forwards and stretched out a hand to place on hers, but before he could touch her, Ronnie moved her own hand. Just a little, Jack could have still reached over and taken her hand if he wanted to, but the hint was clear. Ronnie didn't want him touching her. Jack didn't know if it was personal, if he had hurt her too much or if she just couldn't stand physical contact at all after what Tony had done to her.
"I'm sorry, Ron," said Jack. Ronnie looked at him, his eyes pleading and frowned.
"Why do you keep saying that?" She murmured. "What do you have to be sorry for?" Ronnie closed her eyes briefly. Talking was such hard work, it drained her energy as quickly as running a mile. Jack seemed to have the same thought.
"sshh, don't try and speak, sweetheart," he said, gently. "I'm sorry for everything. For the way I've treated you these past few weeks, for thinking you willingly slept with Tony, for saying what I said about Danielle, and for running out when you told me what he did to you. I should have been there and I wasn't. I'm so sorry."
"You mean you believe me?" Ronnie muttered, faintly. Jack's face creased in concern, she sounded so weak.
"Oh Ron, of course I do. I know how it must have looked, and I really can't tell you how sorry I am. But I'm here for you, Ron. I always will be. As I said, I'm never leaving you again, not until the day you send me away. I love you."
"I love you too," Ronnie mumbled, she let her hand fall to her side and uncurled her hand. She didn't have the strength to move any more, but Jack knew what she wanted. He smiled a genuine smile and took her hand. Ronnie's fingers curled around his, entwining their hands.
Ronnie's eyes drifted shut, and Jack thought she had fallen asleep again, but just moments later she spoke. "What happened to Tony? Where is he?" She asked, her voice shaking. Jack squeezed her hand tightly.
"Go to sleep Ron, we'll talk about this later." Ronnie jerked her head, she wanted to shake it, but that was all her body would allow.
"No Jack, I need to know. Where is he?" She insisted. Jack bit his lip.
"They haven't found him yet," he said, softly. "But the police are doing everything they can, and with all our descriptions of him, they should find him in no time." His words were meant to comfort her, but instead they just seemed to agitate Ronnie further.
"What if they do? What then? I don't want to see him, I don't want to talk to the police or have to go to court." She said, her voice breaking. Jack had been expecting this.
"No one's going to make you do anything you don't want Ron," he said, and he meant it. No one was ever going to force her into anything again. He would make sure of that.
The door swung open and Roxy rushed in, followed by Peggy. "Ron!" cried Roxy. "Jack told us you were awake." Ronnie stared at her sister. She didn't know how to react to her. She wanted to scream at Roxy to get out and leave her alone, but she didn't have the energy. Neither physically or mentally. Roxy had made sure of that. Roxy's expression changed when she saw the blank look Ronnie was giving her. Peggy saw the silent
conversation between her two nieces and quickly jumped in.
"Ronnie, sweetheart, how are you feeling?" She said, kindly.
"I'm alright Auntie Peg," said Ronnie, quietly. She wasn't as tired anymore, but she still felt weak and drained of all her energy.
"You scared me Ron, I thought you were going to die," Roxy whispered. Ronnie jerked her head to look at her sister. She glared coldly into her eyes.
"I thought that was what you wanted," she said, tonelessly. Roxy's eyes filled with tears.
"Ron please, I didn't mean it. You have to know that." Ronnie continued to stare coolly at her sister.
"Yes you did. At the time, you meant every word. It's only now you find out he isn't the dream man you thought he was and now you're sorry. Because that's what happened isn't it? He told you the truth, or you found out. Now, you want to know me again. If you really cared Rox, you would never have believed him over me. You would never have wished me dead." Roxy was freely crying by this point, tears streaming down her face.
"I do care. I'm so sorry, please don't do this," she begged.
"Why not?" Ronnie shot back, "You did. You turned your back on me when I needed you the most. You chose him over me and now you're going to have to live with that choice."
Before Roxy could reply, the door opened again, and Claire walked in. She grinned when she saw Ronnie was awake. "Long time no see," she said, brightly.
"Claire, you were here yesterday," sighed Jack. He had grown used to her over the past few days. They had seen a lot of each other, both being so worried about Ronnie. They were always accidentally meeting at the hospital. Sometimes, they spoke to Ronnie about nothing in particular, and other times, when they had grown tired of one way conversations, they had spoken to each other. Jack had found out a lot about Claire, including she had been in this position before. Wondering if she was ever going to speak to a friend again, and if it was all her fault that she might not. In return, Jack had told Claire all about his and Ronnie's past relationship. About Amy and the condom incident. He told Claire, while she listened, about the amount of times he had hurt Ronnie, and how he was determined not to screw up again. Jack had also asked for her help in telling Ronnie that their baby was dead. Claire, like Jack, knew that saying Ronnie would not react well to the news was an understatement. But Jack also knew she wouldn't tell him how she was feeling. She would just push him out as usual and either carry on like everything was fine, or retreat even further into herself and allow no one to reach her.
Claire rolled her eyes. "Yes, but Ronnie wasn't seeing me then was she? It was just me seeing her," she said, as if her meaning was the most obvious thing in the world. Ronnie smiled slightly. She was glad of Claire's presence. Not only had it interrupted her argument with Roxy, but Claire's ever cheerful attitude never failed to cheer everyone around her, even if it was such a tiny difference, that Ronnie barely noticed.
"Hey Claire," she said. Ronnie was unable to manage to smile at her, but
the faraway look in her eyes changed. It didn't go away, but looked as if she had moved maybe an inch closer to the room she was in.
Roxy, who hadn't even seemed to have noticed Claire's entrance turned back to Ronnie. "Isn't there anything I can do to show you I do care? That I love you?" she whispered. Ronnie also turned to face Roxy, she looked her straight in the eye as she said, "Yes. You can get out of here. You can leave this room and my life. Now." She said, coldly. Ronnie hadn't thought it possible, but the words she spoke to her sister caused her even deeper pain. She hadn't even been aware she could still feel. Fresh tears spilled down Roxy's cheeks.
"Don't do this Ron," she pleaded.
"I love you Roxy," said Ronnie, "that will never change, but at the moment just you being in the same room physically hurts. I can't forget what you did. I can't forget you chose him. You looked me in the eye and told me I was a liar, you said Danielle was better off dead with me as a mother then wished me dead and walked out of there arm in arm with the man who destroyed me. One day, I may be able to speak to you without it tearing me apart, but not now. I love you, you're my little sister and nothing is going to make the slightest bit of difference to that, but I'll never forgive you. So please just leave now." with that, Ronnie turned away from her sister, just as she had turned away from Ronnie.
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