Before I had this conversation with her I had pretty much forgotten about the trial and was getting excited about starting uni next week. I was feeling strong, I was feeling good about myself for the first time in ages. Now I feel like ****, i feel Like i have been knocked down a thousand steps.
Now imagine the feeling a week before the trial.
I think this experience with your friend is a good one. You probably wont agree but none the less i feel its positive.
Firstly i do believe she was trying to be nice. Its a subject many would shy away from and im afraid that only the most skillful of diplomats could broach this gently without putting their foot in it.
Secondly i think this incident shows that you still have much mental preparation to do before you tackle this. what yesterday has shown you is that simply forgetting is not enough and will never be enough. your friend has shown you a gllimpse at what can and will happen if you dont do some work on yourself to prepare for the trial ahead.
You dont know what will happen at the trial. Some walk and some dont. You simply have no way of knowing. You can prepare yourself for all outcomes however. Ofcourse you wont be able to plan for everything but you can start getting a support mechanism built up around you and plan healthier methods of coping.
Yesterdays experience although horrid can be seen as something positive. See it as a warning you need support.
You are incredibly brave. It is incredibly hard. The fact is that many many people wouldnt be able to do what you are preparing yourself for. Why do you think soooo many women and men dont press charges.....FEAR! what your friend expressed was normal and natural. Your interpretation had shaken your confidence when infact she was actually complimenting your bravery!
Much love and huggage
Matthew xxx
p.s. raaaaah
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