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SA in this chapter just to warn you.
No one spoke as another doctor, different to the one who had first came to talk to Jack and the others about Ronnie, entered the room. No one even noticed she was there until she cleared her throat loudly. Roxy's eyes finally raised from the floor as she turned to face the doctor. Her kind face stared back at Roxy, and she smiled reassuringly.
"I'm going to have to ask you all to leave for a moment so we can perform a scan to check on Miss Mitchell's baby," the doctor explained. She smiled at them all, but it was too strained and false. Everyone could tell she was thinking the worst. If a grown woman could barely survive that blaze, how could an unborn baby?
Instead of speaking, Roxy simply nodded and climbed to her feet and slowly began to leave the room. Peggy and Claire followed, but Jack stayed where he was at Ronnie's bedside, her hand still clasped in his. "Excuse me sir, but you're going to have to leave too," said the doctor, gently, tucking a stray strand of dark hair behind her ear as she spoke. Jack's eyes met with hers, pleading.
"Please, can I stay? The baby...it's mine," he almost whispered. The doctor's eyes instantly filled with pity and sorrow. No matter how long you had been in this business, it was still impossible to watch a person's grief. To have to look them in the eye and tell them the person they have been waiting for is never coming back to them. She nodded, "Yes of course."
Jack was silent as the doctor, who he had learned was named Dr. Harrison, set up the equipment and began the scan. Jack watched her face as she stared at the screen, searching for any signs of life. He had to turn away as he saw the pity and sorrow in her eyes. Finally, she gave up and switched of the machine. She turned to Jack, her features lined with sympathy. She opened her mouth to tell him the truth about his and Ronnie's unborn child, but Jack put a hand up to stop her.
"I'll save you a job," he said, "I know, I saw your face as you did that scan. Our baby's dead." There was no emotion in Jack's voice as he spoke. He had no idea if the child truly had been his or not, he didn't care either. He had already started to love it as if it were. But more than anything, he was grieving for the woman who lay so lifeless at his fingertips. Jack knew what this would have done to her at the best of times, but now, when she was already so broken and lost, that Jack didn't know if he would be able to find her, let alone piece her back together. Jack realised it wasn't a question of how was she going to deal with this new bomb that had exploded and shattered anything that was still intact into tiny little pieces, but a question of how she wasn't.
Doctor Harrison gazed at Jack with great pity. "I really am sorry," she said. And she sounded it too. Jack could tell it wasn't just an act, she genuinely was sorry for them both. Jack broke the eye contact and instead looked at Ronnie's still form.
"How am I going to tell her?" He chocked out. Dr Harrison shook her head.
"I can't tell you that," she said. "But I can tell you how not to do it. Don't do it over the phone. Don't call her up in the middle of her business meeting to tell her that her baby has died," before she even finished, the doctor's eyes filled with tears, which began to spill down her cheeks. Jack glanced at Ronnie again.
"I don't think there's much danger of that," he whispered. After a pause, he asked, "is that how you were told?" She nodded slowly and wiped away her tears by the back of her hand.
"Then my husband wondered why I wanted to divorce him. He told me it wasn't his fault that our baby died. I said I didn't blame him, that I forgave him for falling asleep on top of our child, but what I couldn't forgive was that he hadn't even had the guts to tell me to my face. So whatever you do, you have to do it face to face, and it will be best coming from you." Jack nodded.
"I'll make sure of it," he said, trying to smile at the doctor. She knew how it felt to lose a child, to have to tell someone that the person they loved most in the world, was dead. Even if they had never even had a chance at life.
Ronnie was blind. All she could see was the darkness. There were noises and voices drifting around in the black. They called to her, on more than one occasion she heard her own name. She recognised the voices, she could tell who they belonged to, but the words were senseless. Ronnie wanted to answer them, but was so lost she couldn't find her own voice. Only one person could penetrate through the dark, so that Ronnie could understand and make sense of what they were saying. Roxy's voice was the only one that spoke any meaning. She told Ronnie over and over again that she was sorry and hadn't meant what she said. Ronnie wished she wouldn't. Every time Roxy spoke, it only reminded her of her sister's words; of what had happened to her and the sister she could not forgive.
The only time her sister's voice was welcomed was when Ronnie was falling into a dream. Sometimes, the sound pulled her away from the nightmare world; the world she had came to dread. Other times it only pushed her deeper. Ronnie wanted so much to be free from the grip that this nothing had on her. Here, all she had were her thoughts and dreams. She was trapped in a permanent nightmare where she was forced to relive all the worst horrors of her life, and even some that never existed, over and over again. Ronnie didn't know which was worse.
The room was brightly lit. There was a fire roaring at one end of the room, but this time, it was warm and safe. Simply there to brighten and bring warmth into the room and to create a homely atmosphere. In this place, Ronnie felt safe, she was sure that here, no one would hurt her. This was warm and familiar, the home she grew up in. The best part of being here however, was the peace of mind that it brought. This was before Danielle, before she had fallen pregnant, before her mum left. A time when Ronnie was still young and innocent; she knew none of the evil that the world held.
The door creaked and Ronnie heard someone enter the room. All at once, the atmosphere changed. The fire continued to burn, but now it didn't offer any warmth or light. It no longer glowed. A dark shadow had been cast in its path, blocking and light from reaching Ronnie so she was only in darkness. A darkness she had grown so used to. It was cold. So cold in fact, that Ronnie found herself shivering. The peace and tranquillity had gone and in their place were fear and dread.
"Veronica," her father's cold voice pierced though her skin and chilled her to the bone. He placed something on the table in front of her. It made a loud clunk as it hit the surface. The familiar sound bounced off the walls and increased Ronnie's fear.
"You have until the snow settles." Ronnie didn't even have to ask what he was
talking about. Dread had wrapped itself so tightly around her heart that it held her down. Tying her to the spot in which she stood. Her breath caught in her throat, consumed by fear.
Finally, the roots loosened enough to allow Ronnie to move. She turned and stumbled from the room, willing her legs to carry her faster, to bolt. She wanted to run right out of the front door and never look back, but she couldn't. She had to stay in this living hell for the sake of her sister, Roxy. Ronnie knew what was coming, she knew the inevitable horror that awaited her. She began to shake as she searched desperately for a place to hide. She didn't go to her bedroom, she never did. That was the one place she always felt safe and protected, it was the only place that was hers. If it happened there, Ronnie knew she would never feel that security again.
Ronnie froze in fear as she heard her father's gentle footsteps on the stairs. Quickly, she hurried into her sister's bedroom and rolled under the bed. Luckily., Roxy was out with their mother. Her father never came near her when her mother and Roxy were around, but at least her sister was safe from all of this. Silent tears leaked from Ronnie's eyes as she heard her father approaching. She tucked her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, as if to protect herself. It wouldn't work though. It never did.
Ronnie heard her dad searching her own room. Surely he had learned by now that she never went in there? Ronnie felt the room grow cold and she knew her dad was there. He had found her. Ronnie considered crawling out and letting him get her. The waiting was almost worse. She felt as if she were waiting for her own hanging. A hanging would have been preferable to this, at least them there would be only a few moments of fear and pain before it was all over. This way, there would be pain for a long time to come. The fear would never go away.
Dread filled the depths of her heart and soul, making even breathing almost impossible. Ronnie squeezed her eyes shut and carefully inched herself farther and farther backwards so she was pressed against the cold wall. The feel of something behind her made her feel more safe, as if she was enclosed and less easy to see and get to. Silently, Ronnie preyed that this time, he wouldn't find her. There was music playing in the background. A slow piano version of 'The First Noel', sounded through the house. It was Ronnie's favourite Christmas carol, but now it only sent cold shivers shooting down her spine.
Warm breath landed on her face, warning Ronnie of the horror that was about to begin. Even as she heard her father's voice whisper, "gotcha," she didn't open her eyes. Ronnie didn't want to witness any part of what he did. Ronnie felt her arms being pulled away and her legs being straightened out. She didn't struggle. It was always worse when she did. Ronnie's body and mind shut down as her lips formed the shapes of the words, "please help me."
Suddenly, Ronnie felt a huge jolt of pain and her eyes shot open; but instead of seeing her father's face staring down at her, the bottom of Roxy's bed, or even the darkness she had grown accustomed to, Ronnie found herself staring
right into the face of Jack.
I'm sat here having a Sex and the City marathon with myself. What a sad little life I lead.
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