I can completely relate to the whole realizing that you are addicted to this. It took me forever to realize this. I thought i had it under control till after one session i realized it had just grown. The next thing that i would like to say is do not be so hard on your self. That is the thought that has come across when i read this. You have seen that this is not a good thing and now you can work towards beating this if that is what you so desire to do. Now for the advice portion when you have the urge to cut find something else to replace it. For me cleaning worked sometimes, writing out my thoughts, i even carved to pieces a notebook of mine, finding a support friend that you can talk this over with. I also found therapy to be helpful. There is a whole section on here for distractions. I think that is the key in overcoming this. Or at least being able to cope in a healthier way. As far as the whole being effed up the thing that i have learned is that we all have our issues it just may be a different subscription then what you have. Also in those moments when you are triggered please take care what you expose yourself to. I learned the hard way of how i can make a situation worse. Hopefully this does not come across as gloom and doom as i really do believe if you want you can move forward and beyond this. This forum is an excellant tool in that process the people here are wonderful and supportative. And i think that is really important in the times ahead. Good luck and take care.
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