RYL Forums - View Single Post

The One Who · 20-08-2010, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pierrot

Bearing this discussion in mind, I went back onto the SID board and re-read some of the threads; I made a point of reading through the threads that have been discussed here, especially. I can see where you're coming from in feeling that there is sometimes a competitive feel. I still think that's mostly down to insecurity; like Jodi said, a desire to find commonality with people as individuals. I think it's a maladaptive desire to be acknowledged.

I think I misconstrued you on this in my last post. I only meant that I think the site is, or could be, a useful tool for talking through these kinds of thoughts, away from the sometimes judgmental atmosphere of even the best friendship groups. Some self-harm thoughts are too difficult to quantify to someone who loves you, and is trying to support you. I've seen some supportive and empathetic threads started about struggling not to escalate or do something "really" bad. <-- I ask you to forgive me for that; it's all bad, obviously, but I'm talking in terms of degrees here, and the language won't support anything that fine, heh.

As far as it being "normal" or "okay" to self-harm as a coping mechanism, I think I'm going to have to agree to disagree with you. I think in order to really work on the causes of self-harm, and try to seriously stop it, it's necessary to understand and accept it. Self-harm, to me, is really just another ugly, dangerous habit, like drinking. There's nothing that special about it; it should be treated in the same way as quitting anything else. I think it's necessary to at least try to eliminate guilt about it, because feeling guilty about doing something also tends to foster resentment for the people who don't do it, and are trying to get you to stop. (General you, obviously.) Also, reducing guilt and shame tends to lend a clearer perspective.

I agree that self-harm is a horrible habit, but so are a lot of others. Just my two cents.

I think, ultimately, we are saying the same things but from a different angle.

It all depends on the context of the thread. Competitive lists are not okay, but asking for support for something is perfectly fine. I dislike some responses that say something like scratching or bruising is fine as a 'safe' alternative to cutting. They are both self-harm, and should both be viewed and treated as such.

As to the point about fostering resentment, I have definitely noticed that. You only have to look at threads about parents' views, teachers, friends etc who may not be as empathetic as those here. However, and it's a big, huge however, replies to these threads which simply agree with the OP about how mean and nasty the person was really get my back up. It does not help for the poster to be encouraged in their response to someone reacting negatively to their self-harm.

20-08-2010, 06:07 PM	#46
The One Who Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Somewhere I am currently:	Quote: Originally Posted by Pierrot Bearing this discussion in mind, I went back onto the SID board and re-read some of the threads; I made a point of reading through the threads that have been discussed here, especially. I can see where you're coming from in feeling that there is sometimes a competitive feel. I still think that's mostly down to insecurity; like Jodi said, a desire to find commonality with people as individuals. I think it's a maladaptive desire to be acknowledged. I think I misconstrued you on this in my last post. I only meant that I think the site is, or could be, a useful tool for talking through these kinds of thoughts, away from the sometimes judgmental atmosphere of even the best friendship groups. Some self-harm thoughts are too difficult to quantify to someone who loves you, and is trying to support you. I've seen some supportive and empathetic threads started about struggling not to escalate or do something "really" bad. <-- I ask you to forgive me for that; it's all bad, obviously, but I'm talking in terms of degrees here, and the language won't support anything that fine, heh. As far as it being "normal" or "okay" to self-harm as a coping mechanism, I think I'm going to have to agree to disagree with you. I think in order to really work on the causes of self-harm, and try to seriously stop it, it's necessary to understand and accept it. Self-harm, to me, is really just another ugly, dangerous habit, like drinking. There's nothing that special about it; it should be treated in the same way as quitting anything else. I think it's necessary to at least try to eliminate guilt about it, because feeling guilty about doing something also tends to foster resentment for the people who don't do it, and are trying to get you to stop. (General you, obviously.) Also, reducing guilt and shame tends to lend a clearer perspective. I agree that self-harm is a horrible habit, but so are a lot of others. Just my two cents. I think, ultimately, we are saying the same things but from a different angle. It all depends on the context of the thread. Competitive lists are not okay, but asking for support for something is perfectly fine. I dislike some responses that say something like scratching or bruising is fine as a 'safe' alternative to cutting. They are both self-harm, and should both be viewed and treated as such. As to the point about fostering resentment, I have definitely noticed that. You only have to look at threads about parents' views, teachers, friends etc who may not be as empathetic as those here. However, and it's a big, huge however, replies to these threads which simply agree with the OP about how mean and nasty the person was really get my back up. It does not help for the poster to be encouraged in their response to someone reacting negatively to their self-harm.