So it's been many months now, and as I stare at the familiar lights of the city. I've never been more homesick.
But I don't even have a home.
Crushed I felt my spirit sink and the darkness fold around my edges. My skin peeling away to leave an empty shell bleeding regrets onto the floor. The muscle tissue decayed and waterbloated my body lies still on the cold unforgiving concrete. The lights above my head flicker as a train passes by but I never even felt the vibration. Withdrawn I scramble to find a foothold before losing the last of my strength. No longer wishing to hold on but no way to let go. The weight of all that's happened is crushing at my throat. I want to tell you I'm okay, I want to but i'd be lying. I want to ask you for help, but i've long since given up trying. All that I'd hoped to acheive I gave up for dying.
The screaming above my head and the shufflinf of feet. The slam of bodies off walls crushed and broken they fall down around us like the next big tidal wave to strike the house in a fury, tearing everything to the ground. Basement level hiding places, the spaces we use to erase our faces. So you can't see us weep. Fast asleep under the base of the stairs and noone ever knew I was there. My eyes only half closed as I dozed because dreams are better then this. Comatose.
They find me lying in my own retched pool. Carry me out of that place on a wide stretcher. A fool. They load me into a truck and determine signs of life, breathing and movement. But no life behind my eyes. It seemed to unnerve them, the cold blank stare they recieved when questioning brought them no answers. Resistance, reluctance to dig holes any deeper. They reffered to me as a silent creeper.
They say I like attention but all I wanted was to be alone. Locked tightly within my chamber of stone. I felt the walls breaking. As they tried to peer beneath. Rip down my carefully built bricks with the hopes of saving me. It only made it worse my return to your reality. The pain as it swept across my chest and my heart rate dropped to zero.
Shocking as they struck me back into life with a trigger. A steady beat and burns left.Quite a stinger. I feel the skin slide back on, my eyes slowly turn to light. My mouth opens but nothing comes out, despite all my might. I simply sit alone and cry silently beneath the light. Midnight they lock my door. Make sure i'm medicated and secure. Catatonic I disappear like never before.
Then I hear you speak my name. Your sad eyes resting on my unmoving figure placed by the window strapped to a chair. Why are you here when your face reads you'd rather be somewhere. Somewhere else far away from here. Perhaps it is the fear. You tell me you're leaving. Forever. You simply came to say goodbye. I do not turn to you, nor do I reply. Your footsteps echo out the hall. Ask for an update trying to stall.
Just to see if I would acknowledge you. But I wouldn't even try. Six months have passed and I know the notch on my belt tells me it's too soon. To try to get up and leave this empty room. My home, all that I have in two simple plastic bags I speak three simple words and sigh. They release me back to my design.
I return to my empty hole under the stairs, just an empty stain and remaining nightmares. But as I sit You come down the stair. You stop at the foot and come around to the side. You reach your hand in, touch my face. I see that you cry. For what? I catch your eye and you kneel to meet mine and wrap me in your arms. "are you fine?" My arms wrap around you as yours do mine and I wish I could tell you I am but I'm not.
When your everything i've got and i'm not okay.
Would you be able to tell there is more that still remains?
Still hidden within. I wish I could say hello to a new day. But today is worse then yesterday and tomarrow won't be better.
I'm just sorry I couldn't even write you a letter
Before I passed right through you and you knew.
I was long gone. The body on the floor cold and lifeless, my heart to beat; Nevermore.
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