Hello and welcome to vets.
I used to hit myself too. Im sorry you had to do that to yourself :(
Wanting to be loved is natural and it can pull so strongly that we can become blinded to actually see whats going on around us. If you are insecure anyways then this will be doubly strong im sure. You are not a bad person for feeling like this my dear!!
Im sure that you were doing the best for your children at the time. Im sure as said above that if you knew what was going on you would have stopped it.
Being a parent doesnt exempt you from making mistakes. You ARE allowed to make em! What is MORE IMPORTANT when you are a parent is how you go about righting it and making sure the same doesnt happen to them again!
Im happy the doc came to see you and its good you are back on your meds. coming off at the wrong time is NEVER a good idea! *glares*
If you have difficulty talking then write stuff down. Post on here and then print it off. Keep a pen handy and jot feelings and thoughts down as they come. doesnt matter on what, just jot them down. Its perfectly acceptable to hand over a pile of scrap paper with scribblings on. It can help much more than just an hour of silence!
Youve been brave for posting. Keep going, youve done the right thing!!!
Matthew
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