Hey.
You wont be the first or last to fall for someone like this and then get hurt. It used to happen to me all the time. I was always the kinda guy who got on well with the girls and would befreind them and get a mad crush and then be blown out by some boyfriend or new lover. I guess i was always just seen as a mate. some even used to call me their gay best freind even tho im straight :P
I think getting better and putting a life if sickness and destructive behaviour behind you is bloody hard work! Moving on and getting a job is quite hard! there is, however, only so much we can do alone. ultimately i guess most of us want to find someone to love and care for and be cared for.
I think desiring someone like you did is normal. Perhaps reacting inthe way you did was normal too? Perhaps the only difference is that when something like that knocks you back after getting up from a pile of ****, it can churn up many old meories and feelings.
Being lonely sucks.
Take care!!!
Matthew
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