[Cryptic.]

No, I don't hate you.
I just practically demanded I come to yours & stay with you for as long as I can because I am so worried for you & feel I need to be with you & need to keep you as safe as possible & to support you more than I can from here.
I just cried my eyes out.
No.
That's not hating you.
That's loving you & being **** scared on what's going on & what could happen to you & most likely will.
If you don't get help, if you don't go back & you don't keep trying, you will end up dead.

I know it's hard, alright? I know.
But you can live again.
You can recover.
Just don't take the easy way out, please.

I know you feel this is impossible to do but that feeling will subside.

Please go back.

You're going to kill yourself if you keep doing this.
I won't let you.
I won't let you do this to yourself.

You want to live, yeah?
Then fight.
Fight as hard as you can.

Don't give up because it's hard & because you're frightened, please don't.
This is your ED right now, being scared, & it's you being scared because of this huge change being shoved infront of you.
That feeling, these feelings, they can be coped with, they can be gotten through, they can fade & go.

You need to keep trying.
You need to work with them.
You need to open up to them & keep opening up to them, even if almost every fiber of your being is telling you otherwise.
(because I know there is my angel Helen in there saying she wants to be free.)

You know what my opinion is on how long you need IP for & why, but let me reiterate;
You need intensive help.
You need intensive support.
You need monitoring.
You need to be in a safe & controlled environment.
You need to be somewhere you can start recovering & to keep on track with it.
When you are able to be at home again & feel able/safe enough to go back home, then I think you still need a lot of help from therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors, etc, because of your extensive problems & your past, your current situation with your family & with your mental state & emotional difficulties, & your current medical problems which will no doubt affect you for a long time.

I also think you need to be living somewhere a lot better than where you are now, your mother is not very helpful or supportive, & she is very damaging for you, as we both know, so I think you need to be in a supported accommodation or your own place, or with a family member, or maybe stay with me, I'm not sure but it's very unhealthy to be at home & I think that it may in itself cause you to keep engaging in these destructive behaviors.

If you do this, if you discharge yourself & don't go back, or go back & discharge yourself again & don't go back, then you could be sectioned.
In my opinion, I think you need to be sectioned.
I did tell you this the other day, & from experience, being sectioned is awful, but you are at serious risk here of killing yourself.
Some part of you is scared of that happening & wants to be free - use that part baby, use it with everything you have inside & then some.
(You can borrow our strength baby.)

You have me, you have all of us, backing you up & supporting you.
Please don't turn back now.
Please keep going on this road of getting better.

I know you've been purging still but at least you've been communicating with the people there & keeping something down & trying & engaging in pro-recovery things.
& that is NOT a failure before your ED distorts what I'm saying.
That's being strong, brave & courageous.
It doesn't mean you're not ill either, you're extremely & severely ill, but just know I am so proud of you even for the tiniest, smallest steps, I am still proud of you, even if you slip up or relapse, I am still proud of you & I always will be.

Come on angel, you can do this.

Please, don't give up.

I love you.