Helen, baby, you will not be letting anybody down by telling them what's going on for you and how you're really feeling. I promise that much. In fact, it'll make people happier that you're opening up. You don't need to be perfect hon, there isn't such a thing as perfection. Even though I know how upsetting it is to hear that.
Please keep fighting, I love you so much, I know you can do this. I know you can. You're such a beautiful, amazing, lovely, caring, kind, talented, smart, funny, wonderful person. There's so many people who love you, and who believe in you. I know you can recover. We know you can recover. You said it yourself- you want to, you don't want to die. Keep fighting, you can do this.
You are not fat in the slightest Hel, you're tiny. That's a promise. I wouldn't lie to you, but your eating disorders would. Please keep going.
I'm going to write to you, okay? I love you so much.
*sending you cuddles*
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