Hi Gayle.
I don't have much in the way of advice as I'm not in a great place right now myself... Also what I do have to say you may not understand as I may jumble it but you deserve a reply and please tell me if I need to clarify anything I say and I will certainly try.
Having read your post I think 1- you should talk to your doctor about still hearing the voices and having hallucinations and being suicidal. A change in meds may help, some work great for one person and not work well at all for another and this may not be the one for you if it isn't helping.
2-You do deserve to live. Being ill doesn't mean you don't deserve to live. Would you say someone with lupus doesn't deserve to live? Of course not, being ill is being ill whether it's physical or mental.
Please stay safe.
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