Having a rough time when a big event happens is natural. It was something that you used to cope for a while. And right now things are hard to cope with. But this will pass. I know if you can think back you at some point thought you would never be able to be SI free for 2 days at a time and you can't even remember the last time. That is amazing. And you said you were doing pretty great. This will pass. You are strong enough to get through this.
And don't use your age to add fuel to the fire. Everyone does things at different speeds and different times. You are not too old.
Maybe you could start a diary until you can figure out a professional that can help.
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