It's an amazing step that you've recognised you want more to your life than this (and probably getting good aspects of your life back, too!) but if you want to make the challenging process a lot easier, I do really recommend doctors. Why do you say you cannot see one?
In something like recovery, all the support you can have behind you, the better.
We will, of course, always be here for you, but it helps to have people in the real world, too. Write out a list of reasons why you want to recover - what are you missing out on right now cause of your ED, why does it suck, why do you want to get your life back again etc. Really put a lot of thought into this list and you'll see that it is worth doing whatever it takes to get there.
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