Originally Posted by
Lone_Dark_Star
You make sense to me hun! I get what you are saying!
I'm quite a shy person really and I struggle to small talk with people I don't know! So making new friends has always been such an issue for me! I can not really afford to take up a social activity, most all cost money and unfortunately I don't have that money! It sucks!
I do go swimming, not as often as I did but enough! Not that I spoke to anyone! Also decided to take up photography to help kill some time so I'm not really left to think too much! But as you can tell these are unsocial things I seem to be doing!
Fair enough, finances are generally difficult for most people at the moment i think. At least you are doing SOMETHING that gets you out of the house - even if you do think it's unsociable.
Today I'm not sure I really care, the thought of self harming ain't really there but it will be later tonight as all I keep thinking is how much of a pathetic person I am!
You are NOT a pathetic person. If you feel like calling yourself that, then just remember you're also labelling me and thousands of others struggling with similar things pathetic. YOU WOULDN'T TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE LIKE THAT SO DON'T TALK YOURSELF DOWN!
I'm alone,
My friend seems to be pushing me away and I don't know why she is or even if she realises this!
If you feel alone then you need to try and reach out to people. Is your friend actually pushing you away? or is it just your perception being skewed by your current emotions?
What is the use of a person who is so easily swayed by peoples emotions?!
What is the use of a person who ISN'T swayed by peoples emotions? It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just learning how to deal with it in an appropriate manner. For instance i work in a shop and i used to get VERY upset if customers got cross with me or started shouting (i used to cry and have to go out and sit in the staff room) but i learnt to kinda 'dissociate' myself from it, telling myself they weren't yelling at ME but at the shop assistant who can't get them what they want because they don't have id/ we don't have it/ ad nauseum.
Why do I get affected so easily but peoples moods?!
Partly because you're a good, kind, caring person. Also because your own experiences have made you more vulnerable and sensitive. Some people are just born more sensitive than others, again not necessarily a bad thing, just learning how to deal with it.
I have no purpose on this planet!
Then MAKE a purpose! I can't tell you the meaning of life, i can't tell you waht your purpose is, what your destiny is, but if you make a purpose and stick with it on the road you could have such a GREAT journey along the way!
I know nothing but the fact I see this world for what it really is which in turn makes me miserable and to men this is not an attractive quality that they want!
Maybe take some time out to see the lighter things in life? There is a lot, a helluva lotta 'bad' stuff in the world, but there's also a whole load of good stuff. Unfortunately good news doesn't sell newspapers.
So when this world blows itself up (which it will do eventually) I will either be dying alone, (even tho everyone technically dies alone) Or I'll be one of the only survivors! And I'll be wishing I had died as I have nothing about me that can help others!
I wish I could help others but I don't see what it is about me that can truely help people!
Oh sweetie! You have so SO much to offer! Of course you could help others! You've actually helped me a bit by making this thread, because i get stuck in similar negative thought patterns and by thinking about what to say to you, and responding to you i'm also able to tell myself some of the same stuff.
I feel like a waste of a human!
You're most definitely NOT a waste of a human! Now suicide...THAT would be a waste of a human!
24 and have achieved nothing with my life! All I have managed to do is isolate myself from everything! No real life friends, no family close by, no partner, a job I don't really like, no money to do things to help me socialise, I don't drink cus of the pills I'm on, I'm lucky if I can stay awake past 10pm! I mean this isn't normal for someone of my age!
YOU'RE ONLY 24!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!! Do you realise how many people still haven't left their parents house at that age? How many are still financially dependant on their parents????? And you say you've acheived NOTHING?????!!!!!!
I don't know how long you've been struggling with stuff like this, how long you've been 'ill' or whatever you like to call it, but to have managed to leave home, be financially independant (even though that often DOES mean being skint most of the time lol), to have been brave enough to move so far to make a new start for yourself. That took SOME guts girl!!!
Congratulations, even though you may not feel it, you are a SUCCESS at being a human adult!
I look at my old friends and people I was at school with and they all either have everything or they have a few of the things I wish I had! I hate them but at the same time I'm happy for them! I'm so jealous that things seem to have come so easy for them and I have nothing! Even my brothers are all doing well for themselves! Why not me?
Just remember you never know what goes on behind closed doors hun, your brothers making more money doesn't mean that their lives are any better. Probably some of your old school friends look at you and are jealous of you too. Does it feel weird to think that? Well, i guareentee that at least one person you went to school with is jealous of what you've acheived or the life they perceive you as having.
I look back at my teen years and I missed out on so much! Why? Why has depression isolated me from everyone? Why can't I just have a friend that will listen, even if they just shut themselves off from taking on board my emotions?!
Because you did. Because other stuff was going on. I missed most of my teens, but that's past and i can't change it now. Don't regret it. However awful it may seem right now, remember you wouldn't be the lovely person you are without the life experiences you had.
I can not see this ever changing! I hate this! I want things to change! But I can't see why I should?! I mean what reason do I have for continuing? I'm nothing but an insignificant parasite wasting others air space!
If you can't see something as changing then it won't. Self-fulfilling prophesy, self-defeatist, however you want to phrase it, you ahve to WANT things to change and be able to ENVISION things changing if you're ever going to actually change them.
I also sit and think that I have nothing major in my past to make me so depressed! So why am I depressed? Why can I not be happy? I have more than others in the world do! I feel so selfish and mean to feel so depressed! I don't think I have the right to feel this way!
But I just don't know how to go out there and be happy with what I do have! How stupid is that?
People are right when they say I seem to enjoy being miserable! It's not a matter of I enjoy it! It's a matter of its the only way I know how to be! It's the only thing I know how to cope with and to make last for days! That's bad right? Stupid too!
Actually it's perfectly understandable. I don't know what it was that made me 'ill', i had nothing major in my past, although a LOT of minor things.
I think you've been feeling like this and stuck in your hole for so long now that it's become difficult for you to remember what's it like before it, and however awful this place is for you, it's also known and comfortable, you know where you are in the bottom of the pit.
Well, here's a rope, come up to the surface and see the light with me, we'll take a walk in the sunshine and the breeze so you can see how good it CAN be if you make it so.
Grrr I'm sorry for my rambling! I just had to let out how I'm feeling right now! I'm that pathetic I can't hurt myself but I sit here praying someone kills me asap!
I'm seeing my mum and dad on sunday! I'll end up putting on a face, saying everything is fine and that life seems to be going well in the city! All so I don't worry them and upset them! I can't stand hurting those I love, Yet I don't want to be here any more!
Again, i totally get this. I'm the same, in fact my mum tends to guilt trip me when i'm upset "we did our best" and makes it worse so it is SO SO much easier to just pretend i'm okay. I've got so good at it that i can't take that face of anymore. If that makes you feel a little better, if it makes it a little easier for you to cope, then pretend to them but remember that they love you and will be there for you when you need them.
Grrr I hope this world bombs itself soon and I'm the one of millions who dies! I'm a coward I know! Call me what you like, this is how I feel!
And for the record I hate feeling!!! Emotions are what is killing me inside!!