Today someone from the hospice came round to see my mum.
After she had left my mum said the lady wants to meet me [and my brother and my dad] at some point. I asked why, and my mum said 'Because you might need her one day'. I said no I won't, because she'll be retired by the time I need someone. My mum said 'No, you'll more than likely be about 26'. She was trying not to cry, but she hugged me and she was crying.
That's 5 years away though. Do I have any right to cry over something that could easily be 5 years or more away? So many people go through so much worse, what do I have to complain about?
I hate the uncertainty. I hate being scared it will come back. I hate this and I feel so guilty for feeling like this when it could be so far away but it might not be and we just don't know.
Edit: In fact, I hate being scared it will come back before we even know if it's gone. I hate all of it.
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