Thanks to everyone for relating, it means a lot to me.
You're all right, noone's life is ever perfect although at a glimpse it may appear that way! I think the hardest part, for me, is not their happiness as such but having the ability to be able to relate to people who are just living life....i find myself lying constantly to appear more together than i am and sometimes simply so i have something to say!
NinjaPenguin, thanks for your post. You're right it is really hard being around people because i feel so disgusting and sick inside after being with them. I know my family walk a tightrope with me and I'm ashamed of this.
I'm trying hard in therapy to figure out where this hatred has come from...there never has been any Event X in my life! Tbh I'm not even sure it even matters where this hatred has stemmed from as long as it goes away! I'm prepared to put in the hard work in therapy but sometimes I watch life pass me by and I'm full of regrets.
It makes me so sad that the very thing I crave I absolutely detest!
Thanks everyone.
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