moke~
I will tell you something that has bothered me quite often over the past few months.. fueling my denial of my other 2.
I am 2 classes from my bachelors in psychology. before i knew about sarah and sadie, while taking my abnormal psychology class I was drawn to DID and took amassive interest in learning about it, ive read tons of books, website and blogs written by those who experience it and decide that was going to be my goal.. to become a therapist for those with DID.
I joined a forum (not this one) and made friends there and offered support everyday for many months.
Then sarah started making herself known to me. many (not all) on the forumwere upset by it, assumed i was faking it.. i was basically unwelcomed as i was allowed to join on the fact that i was a future therapist and supporter.
I was crushed.. i had supported everyone there for so long and the first sign that I need the support and i felt they abandoned me ( again, not all of them but most)
when saide came to be known.. she told me that it was no coincedence that i got so interested in DID. there was a reason for it.
I am suppossing the reason is that They were there with me, sarah and sadie, and before they made themselves known...they wanted me to understand more so i would be more acceptiong and understanding. *shrug*
but one thing the site owner on that forum said has always repeated in my mind .."people come here as a singleton/supporter.. and DID seems to be contagious"
i suposse she felt threatened somehow. but it hurt ..ALOT and for that reason and knowing what i do about dissociative disorders and DID.. it makes my denial go into overdrive.
even tho I know due to my strong morals and values, i would never ever fake this..
i still at times..ok .. alot of the time.. think maybe somehow i am faking it and making it all up on some unconcious level.
it makes me feel like a horrible person.. thinking that maybe i have and maybe i have betrayed my morals, values and friends like that.
*lowers head in shame..*
i dont know.. i hope that isnt true but sometimes.. i honestly am not sure.
Hiding
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