First off, Congrats on the year. That in itself is a amazing accomplishment.
Now, I also understand what you mean when you say you miss it. It was your 'security blanket' so to speak, and now you're having to learn how to live without it. How to deal with problems with out it. And that can be extremely hard sometimes. But it can be done. You can continue to fight the urges. It does not have to control your life anymore.
Stay safe.
xx
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