Hey :)
Printing out some of the replies might be good; and also perhaps what you have said here so you can get your expression over as it needs to be, as well.
I can hear you're still very attached to the idea that you need self harm to cope with your everyday life, I guess that plays a huge part in your decision to not want to go into a hospital. But what if, while in hospital, you were able to learn new ways to cope and talk with professionals more easily, and keep safe? It will be hard at first, there is no denying it, but eventually you'll realise you can cope without self harm. I know it's very difficult when you're in that mindset that you don't want to go into hospital, but, maybe it's worth really discussing it and getting to the heart of it.
Bullying is a difficult one. I understand your fears, I've been bullied in the past too. Hospitals do contain a lot of ill people (that's obvious) and therefore some people are going to be rude or mean. However, there are plenty of staff you can talk to if you're experiencing problems with someone, and, you can avoid them too. I know I didn't get "Bullied" per-se, but there were people who right ****ed me off, and it was pretty easy to ignore them. Again though, if there are internal problems, staff can and do deal with those issues; so don't feel like you're alone. The same goes for if you have a problem with a staff member, you can talk to another staff member about it.
In my last admission I had to make complaints about one of the staff members and I found that, since my complaints were legitimate [they were flouting my confidentiality], the staff took it seriously and dealt with it in an respectable manner.
As for how other people will react to your admission; sod 'em. What matters here is you, you are the most important and if you find people are ignorant enough to ignore the fact you need treatment, or to be disrespectful of it, then that is there problem; not yours, and should not prevent you from getting help.
Personally I had mixed responses, but none of them would completely stop me for getting treatment, because at the end of the day if you're ill it's something you have to do. My manager was excellent, as were the co-workers, and I was given the time off work & also had my manager visit me with flowers and suchlike. I had no real negative reactions although I was always tentative when I had to discuss it with my parents, but that's just a personal issue.
Some people do spend a long time in hospital, such as your friend, and I guess there are no guarantees of how long or short it will be [something worth asking, the standard answer is three weeks :P] It depends on how much they are willing to work, I guess, and of course the severity of their condition plays a huge factor. I doubt it would make you worse, but certianly for some people it can be a real concern - I would discuss that with your social worker.
I'm going to PM you; but in the meantime, all the best
Aimee xoxo
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