starting to lose it - nothing new there i guess.
wrote an email to the lady from the independent (personal) advocacy place because the HQCC has adviced me to get my psychiatrist to organise a meeting with the Director of the hospital, the Director of IMHS and the Director of Regional Health and my psychiatrist and me to come to an agreement about my diagnosis and treatment. They strongly advised me not to go to this meeting alone, so I'm seeking a legal (and friendly) advocate to go with me - who I will never mention until I show up at the meeting. The HQCC has said that if my psych won't arrange the meeting, they will. Anyway I want to get the advocate onside before organising anything else.
I freaked out my housemate today. I was standing at my window in my bedroom - the one room in the unit with no flyscreen - and it was open. We're on the third floor and I've jumped out this window before - but then I was manic, and when I'm manic I have a way of managing tricks like that. Anyway he spoke to me and apparantly I didn't answer so he kept talking while walking towards me until I realised a) that he was there and b) that we was talking to me. The next time I was in the room I was staring at the window and he saw me and walked straight in and closed in.
I have to confess that I haven't tested the point because I do not wish to unduly upset him, but I'm pretty sure that if I was to walk into the room and open the window and spend an unusual amount of time in there he would head in there to check if I was okay - or if he heard the sound, do pretty much the same thing, and most likely close the window.
I am getting frustrated with my TAFE studies because of the lack of responses from my TAFE Diploma Co-ordinator. I sent him an email 3 weeks ago asking him a simple question: Where can I find a copy of the Marking Criteria/Guide? I have still not received a response. I only just received this week an assessment that I submitted only a couple of days earlier than the email regarding the Marking Criteria. I realise that he will have a large number of students, and also that TAFE has recently had a large number of staff quit/get fired through cutbacks, however if you are unable to take on the students, don't take on the students. Not for the knowledge of my family, I am looking to enrol at RMIT through OUA to do IT and earn a nice Bachelor's degree that will basically give me programming and allow me to do my other loves of databasing and web design/programming as well. Anyway, I'm going to finish this assignment - which could be fun with no Marking Criteria - then write an email to the head of Brisbane North Institute of TAFE explaining why I'm withdrawing. Then, I'm withdrawing. With a GPA of 7.0 I can get into uni without too many hassles . . .
Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital for a "1 Day Education Class" at Pain Management Clinic. I'm just hoping that I'm going to be able to cope with it. First I am going to have to get up fairly early. Second a bus trip - well two bus trips technically. Thirdly I have to spend all fricking day at the hospital. After that we just have the fact that they are going to spend the whole day talking about pain and how it comes from your head (no ***** sherlock) and how your body copes and deals with it (like I don't know that from doing all that anatomy, physiology and neuro-anatomy). Seriously, it's like my housemate said; we're like crack-addicts. We're not coming here [to pain management] because they're the best. We're coming because we have nowhere else to go.
So tired. So damn tired. But my brain is so wired up with the anxiety it's like there's some fricking disco going on in my brain.
*screams*
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