Hello and welcome to Vets. Yes you are classed a vet but only if you want to class yourself as that. Theres many over 18/20 etc who never post in vets. Its really just where you feel most comfy to be honest :)
I think the best option is to tell him. He already knows that you used to self harm so the shock value wont be there. If he was unsderstanding about your abuse then there is a good chance he will be understanding about this. Keeping it all to yourself for fear of losing him will do you BOTH more harm than good in the long run.
The longer you leave it the longer the torture will be and the bigger the monster it will create! Relationships are about the good and the bad. The relationships that work and last and grow are those that accept and overcome the bad things. You need to give each other chance to find out and see how this goes. If you withold you will end up resenting him and yourself. You will feel no one is there to support you and ultimately you can end up feeling worse.
Your past and your scars perhaps do not define you but they are certainly a part of you. A part that ANy relationship you have long term will need to be shared. I can guess the feelings of terror at being rejected over this. will he think you are a freak or a nutter. Or will he think you are just waaaay too much to handle and do a runner. Well who knows? He could think all those or he could be a gem and try his best to understand and accept. He wont ever fully understand unless hes done it himself. I dont think anyone who hasnt can, but he can try. The only way you will find out is by telling him. If he stays then you have a good one. If he goes, then im afraidn he was never right for you in the first place.
Its far easier for me to say than to do. Best of luck in what ever you decide to do :)
Matthew
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