Why can't you say that here? What scares you? I sense that it's an abusive experience you're describing yourself as a child went through?
The thing about stuffing feelings down, they tend to come back at a concentrated strength, to get you to listen. You are already responding to them, by sensitively being aware of the fear etc. That's a good thing, that you are aware.
It's ok to feel anger, really it is. It's the first step to healing the frozeness. But don't direct it all at you. You've been through enough.
Vulnerability is... vulnerable. And it has many layers.
You deserve tenderness.
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