Yes, it feels like it will taint me. You don't know the amount of times i've said that, and it sounds so egotistical but that is how it feels. I get angry to keep it away.
Thanks Rosy. It is really useful to hear other people's stories and feelings especially when i understand how hard it can be to convey. I don't look at the feelings either, i make it go away. I refuse to allow it, even though it feels like it controls me, but it doesn't but it does.....it is both and neither.
My therapist keeps wanting me to go to that vulnerable part but it is very hard to keep there without getting angry or freezing. I appreciate you post because when i was growing up it too felt like i was looking out at the world i didn't understand. I always held myself back, my mum would literally cry at me to talk but I didn't have any words....and....well.....i can't say that here....but yes i understand. It is painful. Thankyou for sharing.
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