I'm really glad that you went through with giving your letter/note to him.
I feel kind of bad about what you felt like during and after that though; but I'm hoping that it has helped you, even if just a bit.
This might not help, but if you feel like you might shut down again, you could continue writing these sort of letters (even if you don't plan on giving it to anyone).
I'm sorry about how I can't be of more help because I don't really have a good idea about what you're going through. : (
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