[E_pluribus_unum]

what are your thoughts on that? one of my psychologists asked me once 'whats in it for you to stay the way you are?' made me angry at first but now I am seeing the positive in it too. Although one cannot 'help' [unconscious defences] to be different and change, we CAN actually change but something holds us back. On a shallow level it might be 'low self esteem' or fear of failure etc, but there is also a reason why we like to stay in a certain place. For example the 'victim', on an unconscious level the Victim re creates situations where s/he can be victimised again. Or feel victimised again, how does it serve her/him to stay the victim? Unconsciously the psyche does not want us to change, fear of change. So it does everything in its power to stay as we are.
I believe that true change and healing can only come when we are willing to look at the very painful feelings and thoughts of our psyche. And I do not talk about past abuses or things that were done to us. I am talking about what we do to others! THAT is the painful bit. Looking at past abuse is also necessary and part of healing but looking at what we do to others, being able to sit back and look at how we make people feel around us, how people react around us is REALLY looking at our dark side. Not a lot of people are willing to go there. Because it is this work that is really painful. Admitting to self that one can be selfish, abusive, narcissistic, self centered, full of sh*t to impress others, haughty, ignorant, arrogant and self-righteous is REALLY working on self. I have seen people online who use 'therapy' as a way of staying sick. And the victim. There is a fine line between doing the work to become healthy and doing the 'work' to stay just the way they are. It takes guts to look your own monsters and demons right into the eye.