Hi,
You heve every right to be feeling ANYTHING right now. Whatever the news about cancer it can be overwhelming and difficult to deal with, whether it's good or bad. Maybe it's because you start to get used to one state of affairs and then it's hard to deal with a change, even if it's a positive one?
I was sitting in on a breast cancer clinic a while ago (med student, just so that doesn't sound too strange) and there were several ladies who had had surgery and were being talked to about the follow up chemo/radio and how it will affect their survival chances. They all found it incredibly difficult to deal with even though they were doing well. One lady's daughter was there and she also started crying. You're not feeling anything unusual or shameful.
I wish there were better statistics to give you about pancreatic cancer. As things stand though you're right and just need to take the positives you have been given - the fact that they are treating your mum still is very good and people do defy the odds (I had dinner with a man who is about 15 years free when his 5 year survival rate odds were tiny).
Talking to the Macmillan nurses is probably a good idea. That's one of the things they are there for right? The emotional support that a family dealing with Cancer needs. Please don't feel like you shouldn't need support right now, this is a huge thing to be dealing with.
I hope things continue to look up and that you are able to be more positive.
Hugs
xxx
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