I know it's scary to admit this to people because of possible reactions, but I think the reaction is never as bad as your expectations. With what you've said, I really think you need to talk to someone about this. Even if you don't think you'll do it, making suicide plans or having "just in case" letters is not healthy. Do you think you could go to your GP? S/he may be able to refer you to a counselor without telling your parents. I really think it would help you to see someone because it sounds like you're in a pretty rough place right now. I'm not sure about what will happen if you go to someone at school, but doctors offices tend to have very strict confidentiality. Also, I know you're afraid of what people will think if the find out. Again, I think you're pocturig the worst case scenario. Most people, especially friends, end up being very understanding and concerned even if they've made different cmments in the past. When it hits someone close to them, people are surprisingly understanding.
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