I understand the worry and guilt about leaving your mom and feeling responsible for her. I went through all of that when I decided to leave, it wasn't an easy decision and I still find myself feeling guilty for leaving her there when I know things aren't good. But you have to take care of yourself before anyone else. It's not selfish, it's not cruel, it's not abandoning your mom, it doesn't mean that you don't care. But your only real responsibility is for yourself. As I said earlier, I don't know anything about your circumstances or background, so please don't take offence if anything I say is way off the mark, but when I struggle with all the guilt of leaving and my parents are trying to manipulate me into going back home, my therapist reminds me that they are adults, they are both responsible for themselves and it is their decisions that keep them where they are. Just as I didn't have to stay, my mom doesn't have to stay. Just as I have had to change my behaviour and ways of dealing with life to be able to move forward, they have the same responsibility to do that for themselves and it is their choice not to.
It's just some stuff to think about when the time comes, I know you've got a hell of a lot more on your mind right now. You've waited so long and fought so, so hard to get to where you are now, I hope that you are given all the help and support you need to really start over and find a way to let go of your demons.
I know you've got a hell of a lot of people on here who care about you and are looking out for you, but if you ever want to talk about anything, my inbox is always open.
Be kind to yourself,
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