Sounds as if you're feeling very ashamed and exposed in posting this. Please don't be. Perhaps you feel sabotaged down there from all the past abuse and, since it isn't happening as much anymore you feel you have to hurt yourself instead. Renacting it in a way. I might be making no sense whatsoever and you can tell me to shut up if I am, but that was my take on it.
I take it that you want to stop but don't know how. What things do you think might help distract you?
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