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Whispered Secret · 03-06-2010, 09:31 PM

I've just realised how manipulative I have been in the past, and it's scaring me. And I've realised how bad things are right now, whereas it hadn't really sunk in before.

I've been such a cow. I've tried to trick a GP into giving me MAOIs so I would have an excuse to not eat certain foods. I loaded my weight so that they wouldn't notice what was happening with my ED. I lied to so many people saying that I hadn't OD'ed when I had. I've said one thing to one person and another to another so i can avoid taking my meds. I've made out that getting up early to collect my meds is a pain so that's why I should be able to have control of them back.

****, this really is bad.

I have to collect my meds everyday. I'm not even trusted to collect the script and get it to the person who looks after them for me. I'm not allowed more than one days supply at a time. If I'm not going ot be around the next day I have to be given it by someone else.

I've had to defer my exams and am going home from uni early. Sure I made it to the end of tutorials, but literally only just and I missed so many of them.

I've been becoming more and more promiscuous, having "too close" friendships with guys I know (though nothing more than holding hands and saying things maybe I shouldn't) despite being in a relationship.

I've messed things up so badly. :( I feel so ashamed of who I am, what I've become, and who I'm going to be. :(

03-06-2010, 09:31 PM	#1
Whispered Secret Join Date: Apr 2008	Manipulative I've just realised how manipulative I have been in the past, and it's scaring me. And I've realised how bad things are right now, whereas it hadn't really sunk in before. I've been such a cow. I've tried to trick a GP into giving me MAOIs so I would have an excuse to not eat certain foods. I loaded my weight so that they wouldn't notice what was happening with my ED. I lied to so many people saying that I hadn't OD'ed when I had. I've said one thing to one person and another to another so i can avoid taking my meds. I've made out that getting up early to collect my meds is a pain so that's why I should be able to have control of them back. ****, this really is bad. I have to collect my meds everyday. I'm not even trusted to collect the script and get it to the person who looks after them for me. I'm not allowed more than one days supply at a time. If I'm not going ot be around the next day I have to be given it by someone else. I've had to defer my exams and am going home from uni early. Sure I made it to the end of tutorials, but literally only just and I missed so many of them. I've been becoming more and more promiscuous, having "too close" friendships with guys I know (though nothing more than holding hands and saying things maybe I shouldn't) despite being in a relationship. I've messed things up so badly. :( I feel so ashamed of who I am, what I've become, and who I'm going to be. :(
Whispered Secret Join Date: Apr 2008	"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."