*hugs*
It sounds to me that your situation has changed since you last spoke to the crisis-team. If you could speak to them this time, you would able to explain that what is happening now is different and acute; and what you think about hospitalisation as a goal.
Is there anyway you can negotiate the no-harm contract? I may cut/od/etc but I must tell____??
It's mainly put in place so that they know people are dedicated to getting better (If you can not-cut then you want help/this treatment). Which is why trying to work out a negotiation of the terms might work, because it shows an understanding of your behaviour and a willingness to get better.
I hope you manage to talk to someone, hun. It is terrifying putting yourself out there to be assessed, and taking that risk. But you're going to have the support of your team, and us on here. If you talk to the crisis people, worst case scenario is that nothing changes. So I think the benefits of talking with them outweighs any possible negatives.
Good Luck! Be brave, and here have an extra *hugs* for strength.
xx
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