You aren't wasting people's time at all. You are worthy of being listened to and supported.
How are the things that happened in the past effecting you now?
Do you have anyone in real life to talk to about this?
if im ill pills wouldnt make things work and people would listen
Do you mean that if you took meds then people would listen?
People should listen regardless of whether you are taking medication or not. Sorry if I've misunderstood that part.
You aren't pathetic at all, you've done really well to reach out for help. It's brave.