[bleedingdragon]

First of all jim27 well done for finding the courage to post here and talk about your life thats a positive step forward .

Keep talking to us here as much as you need to

I hear you about being 27 with no job or grades from school its a scary and frustrating place to be in but your still young enough to get the grades you need by going to colleage when your ready to. I can understand how you feel im now 44 and i was in a 10 year abusive relationship/marriage . Where i was being abused by my wife im now divorced i have no job im Ill Health Retired already so im having to try and heal myself and build a life for myself which is going to be hard for me at my age, your still young and you can get your life back in time.

Im sorry that you had a crazy family life and your dad turned to drugs and your mum drank and suffered domestic violence from your dad. I suffered domestic violence from my now ex wife and she drank and it was hell. Living in that enviroment must have been a living hell for you . Baby sitting your brother and two sisters through out this was a wonderfull thing you did but must have been very demanding at 12 years of age.

Its really understandable that through out all this you were a depressed teenager you were in the middle of all the chaos without the love and support of your parents .That was very brave of you to then drop out of school at 15 to get a job to try and support your family.

Im sorry to that you got into taking drugs to try and manage what youd been through im sure drugs helped you up to a point and stopped you from killing yourself. You should be very proud of yourself for reducing your drug intake i hope you can work towards coming off drugs altogether, again with professional support you can do it .

You havent talked about wether youve had any professional support, have you been to your dr, seen a psychiatrist, counsellor or therapist, cpn its really worth reaching out to them and ask for help. Dealing with this all on your own is hard. Im sorry 1 of your sisters has now turned to drugs, you and your brother and two sisters deserve to receive help and professional support .

Im with you when you say youve got no job, self esteem, motivation, or any reason to live. I understand how that feels im still battling low self esteem, low motivation, and very few reasons to live. All of this will be such a burden for you on your own. You need professional support have you had any, because it will help to reduce the burden you have they can help you have a care plan to help you deal with all of your issues.

Your not wasting resources by staying alive you deserve to be alive, you deserve to be supported, you deserve to be happy and you deserve the chance to heal yourself . Of course you dont want to upset your family no one does. But at some point in our lives we will make choices in our lives that our parents dont agree with but who you are and what you do are important you have to make a life for yourself and at some point in your life you will move out and begin to make a life for yourself.

You have to concentrate on yourself for now get yourself better, stronger before you can deal with your family. And i hear you about not wanting to live its no wonder right now but in time with professional support you can begin to build your life back. Killing yourself would make your family think about their lives they will be devastated with losing you to suicide its final. Why not make a point to them by staying alive and getting the help you need to live your life. Your family deserve to be supported but they are the ones who take responsability for their own actions and ther own lives. You are the one who has the power to fight for your life and decide to live and get better youve got to want to heal.

Your not selfish in wanting to take your own life.Other people, family and friends often dont understand what its like to be suicidal . To you Suicide feels like the only way out for you trying to cope with all that truama is too much .

Youve tried to help your family and youve done as much as you can you cant do anymore they are the ones who need to reach out and accept any professional help thats offered to them to get better i know what its like to want to do everything possible to help someone you love my wife just wouldnt couldnt accept the help she needed i couldnt do any more for her i had to concentrate on myself. Like you need to know let go and concentrate on yourself. You need professional help and you can get it i hope and pray that you can reach out and stay strong and keep fighting.

pm me if you want i will allways get back to you when i can


Dave