[Busby]

I'm not sure where to post this. Two and a half years ago I experienced my first episode of psychosis. I took a serious overdose, and within hours of swallowing the pills, a man name Joe appeared and started talking to me. At first I could see him ,but then I could only hear him, then it felt as though he was in my head 24/7. We talked and talked for hours on end, and I can honnestly say, no one has ever come close to knowing me and accepting me as he did, completely unconditional. It was Joe who convinced me to go to the local mental health ward a year and a half after he appeared, and tell them about him, and about everything else that was going on, things like me losing my home, walking out on my relationship, walking the streets becasue I was recieving messages from the tv and the radio to do so. When I was assessed, they put me on anti psychotics and I had the crisis team out three times a day to keep a eye on me, and stop me from wandering the streets.
Joes gone now, at least I can't hear him anymore, but I know he was real, at least to me. The problem is, I think I fell in love with Joe. He's been gone completely for a year or so now, but every time I think of him, I cry and miss him so much. While he was around, he made me a promise that one day we would be together. I can't get that thought out of my head, and I miss him terribly, so much so that I still cry at the memories of spending time with him. I cant survive without Joes love. I just feel like ending my life all the time just to be with him again.
I guess what I'm asking is, has anyone else ever experienced this? Is there any advice anyone could give me? I can't carry on being so conflicted.