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Scared to get better?
I think that I'm afraid to get better, seriously.
I'm not sure why exactly. I mean, shouldn't it be more scary to cut myself and attempt suicide? Shouldn't ODing be a lot scarier than not ODing. Seriously, I don't get it!
Why is it that I'm so afraid of getting better.
I think that I'm afraid of people not caring anymore. That people won't care about me anymore. I mean, I'm not doing this for attention, never have, never will. I do my best to hide everything from everyone and only reach out when I absolutely have to. Just... I don't know. I think that I'm more comfortable being where I am.
Except I'm not. I try cutting and it just, doesn't work. All I can think about is ODing and ending up back in the hospital. All I want is to be okay again. Why is that so hard!?!
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