Firstly, I suggest you go to a doctor and tell them about all this, they may refer you to an adolescent centre that deals with problems like this... It does sound like you have depression, because I recognise the symptoms, but it's an idea because I can't diagnose you... So doctors would be a positive step.
I understand what you mean, when something's going good for me a part of me almost feels guilty for being happy, like I need to be depressed because that's who I am... It's not, and I don't want to be, but I feel like a fake if I'm not unhappy.
You may be feeling like this because a part of you expects this to be taken away from you, so your mind is literally preparing you for the worst so it won't hurt as much if it happens.
It would definitely benefit you going to a doctors though.
PM me if you need to.
Take care.
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