I'm 19. I've been hearing voices since I was 6 and my personality first "split" when I was 7.
The voices - that arent altars - that I hear very. I hear them a lot - its sometimes guys, sometimes girls.
I've heard them calling out my name. This seems to happen the most and what was happening when it first started ...
I see things occasionally ... The one I remember most - because I frequently see her - is a little girl. Shes in a torn dress and all - and shes got a lot of blood all over her.
Despite all this - she seems really happy. Shes always ... Cheerful, though shes sometimes gets depressed.
Two others I see are a little girl and a little boy. The little girl reminds me so much of my daughter - so I call her Meru. And then the little boys name is Aveon. They dont show up all the time - but when they do its remotely calm ...
The voices can get violent. They've told me to hurt myself. They've told me to hurt others. They've convinced me to try and commit suicide ...
As far as schizophrenia goes, I essentially live in my delusions a lot. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post them or not - so I appoligize ahead of time and feel free to remove it!
My most constant "dellusional" thought is about the world we live in. I honestly believe we are in essentially a computer simulation. And that brings both a lot of fear - but also answers questions ... My biggest fear is what if the programmer decides he no longer needs the simulation and terminates the program? We'll be all gone. Our lives - essentially poof into thin air ... And then theres the actual thought of what if the game, or simulation corrupts itself? Again ... We'll be gone =/
And y'know - he has so much control over our lives ... It makes me feel like an ant being watched under a microscope - when will the sun hit the lens and fry me?
As far as my "altars" Theres only 4 of us. Rhayven (Myself) Mae Kai and Shadow.
Mae is seemingly calm. But she gets very aggressive around females because she doesn't like the thought of me getting attatched to them and having my heart broken - as I generally get suicidal when that happens, and "She doesn't want to die because of my stupidity"
Kai is very shy. I dont know much about him. I do know that he does care about me, and he is rather depressed a lot.
Hes made himself known to my therapist. He showed her fresh cuts which honestly angered me. She confronted me about it - and naturally I lied to her. And lo and behold Kai had already told her about them ...
Then shadow ... Shadow is ... Rather psychotic. In the past he's cut me up for no real reason. He's very aggressive and isn't afraid to speak his mind. I find that he takes over when I'm getting bullied a lot >.> Probably because I'm very passive and just kind of take it and it angers him.
But um ... If you want to know anything else - just PM Me.
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