Yes! I do it because when i do cut it's like everything slows down, i'm not upset, i feel like i can breath again and for that moment everything is ok and is perfect and the world is new and happy and fair again. I know that sounds messed up that i have to cut myself to feel that way but i do. I actually wrote a poem about that a while back.
i search my room for it
i paced the house thinking of ways to get it
that breath was what i wanted.
i took the blade to my flesh to feel the pain
i took the blade to my flesh to see the blood
i needed to breath again
somehow i had stopped
i don't know when and i don't know why
but i had stopped
to get the breath back i have to cut
i need to feel the sting for things to slow down
for my brain to take a break
if i don't, it becomes too much
too much to handle
too much to pretend to be okay with
the smile has to fade eventually
|