the idea of suicide comforts me actually. it lets me feel that i have a way out. i know that will sound very scary to most but not to me.
im fighting it. i talk to Kelly about it everyday and she helps a great deal. she hold me and caresses my hair. she cries with me. i love her so much. she does her best to help me.
and yes, i also see a doc and a therapist and i told my therapist 2 weeks ago about it. but she didnt panic. i have all the crisis numbers if i need them. plus she gave me 2 chapters to help my self esteem. she thinks that is big problem for me. if i thought more of myself maybe these dark feeling would go away. i havent the courage to even look at thew chapters yet. but im going to tonight.
thank you for your replies. and please know that i dont want to cause my family or friends any pain but i also cant bare the pain im in.
loves.xxxx
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