Aw honey there is nothing bad or unloveable about you, I promise.
Another thing I can promise is that you didn't ruin anything with a slip up. Feeling shitty enough to self harm is bad enough on it's own, you definitely don't need to make it worse by feeling guilty. You still have those five weeks free, and nothing can take that achievement away from you. Every time you resisted the urge to cut you won, you made yourself stronger.
Let's assume you just had one urge to cut a day (and I am pretty sure the actually number is significantly higher) But even if you just had one urge a day, over the last five weeks you have been more than 97% successful at resisting the urge to cut. Isn't that amazing? I think that is something to be proud of.
It sounds like you have a lot to deal with right now, and I'm really sorry about that. I'm always here if you ever want to talk. ((Big hugs))
Ps. I hope I'm not being too dismissive of the fact that you cut though. I know that for me it is always really unnerving and upsetting to cut after going a significant amount of time without it, and I'm definitely not trying to ignore the fact that it can be hard. I am just trying to say that you are awesome anyway :)
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