She'll hate me for lying to her about how I've been and so will my stepdad
The fact I didn't tell her months afterwards about when I OD'ed says it all really and I was even too scared to tell her that but I thought she needed to know and she has enough to worry about now with her health without worrying about mine and how I am and I'm old enough to know better
I should have listened to her when she told me not to move but I knew better, well I htought I did and now I'm just a bigger mess than i was to begin with and it's all my fault fo rnot listening and for being a **** daughter and a **** friend and just generally ****
I'm not worth anything to anyone and no one would care or notice anyway if I wasn't here cos then at least Suicidal Stacey wouldn't be around and making everyone else miserable and just generally being a miserable **** with nothin better to do than to be miserable
I cannot tell my mum cos she'll jsut go mad and I can't be dealing with it at the moment and I hate it that my mates are worrying about me cos they don't need to worry about me cos there's no need to worry about me, I can handle it, it's not as if they can stop me from doing anything, they couldn't stop me before so why would they be able to now?
Answer is they can't and they don't need to feel guilty and they don't need to be upset cos they can get new friends and my mum and stepdad can get new kids and they have kids already so I can easily be replaced so it doesn't matter, it's fine, no one needs me anyway
There's nothing anyone can do and there's nothing i can do and it's fine, honestly, if my mum knew how I really felt she would tell me to go back to England, back to Exeter where it's no good for me and I'l get into drugs and drining and just generally be a more worse person than i am now but it's ok cos whatever I do and wherever I go, I'm slowly turning into a worser person
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